Battle talk
by wea111
Summary: Voldemort and Harry talking before trying to kill each other... again. Unlikely to continue it.


**I only own Harry Potter in a few parallel universes. In one of them it also rains jellybeans.**

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Harry blasted open the door and walked inside the cavernous hall. Two robed guards attempted to stop him but he sent them flying into a wall without slowing for even a second. The hall was riddled pillars and stone benches which Harry mentally marked in case he had to use them for cover. In the centre of the hall was a circular obsidian platform with a pulsing pentagram marked on top, hovering a meter above the pentagon was a translucent bubble of magical energy inside which was Ginny Weasely, the woman he had come to save. Standing just to the side of the platform was the man responsible for all of the troubles in his life; the dark lord Voldemort.

"Let her go Riddle, there is no need to involve her in your sick games." Harry demanded.

"But Harry, you don't write, you don't return my calls, how else am a supposed to get your attention?" Voldemort replied mockingly.

"We're wizards Riddle, try sending me an owl!" Harry snapped back sending a silent blasting hex towards the snakelike man.

Voldemort calmly poked the incoming spell with his wand causing it to dissipate before saying "Now now Harry attempted murder is not a socially accepted way to treat your host. Do I need to give you another lesson in manners?

"Are you sure you want to give me more lessons Riddle? After all the last set ended up with you being humiliated in front of all your followers."

"Well if you feel you don't need any more lessons then how about we have something to eat?" Voldemort said while pointing towards a nearby table that was full of food.

"No thanks Tom I wouldn't want to put Snape through all the effort to create the lovely poisons I am sure you would have on offer." Harry said before vanishing the table.

"Well if you don't want anything to eat then at least let me offer you a drink!" Voldemort yelled before sending a torrent of water streaming towards Harry.

Harry thrust his wand forwards causing the raging water to split into two and go harmlessly around him.

"That sounds quite nice Tom. Do you have any of those little umbrellas?" Harry asked.

"I think we have a few." Voldemort stated, conjuring ten tiny umbrellas with metal spikes serving as the sticks and banishing them towards Harry.

Harry batted most of them away before plucking the last one from the air and using it to pick his teeth.

"Ahh" Harry sighed. "That's better, I have had that seed stuck in my teeth since lunchtime. Thanks Riddle."

"My pleasure." Voldemort said through gritted teeth.

"Now that the pleasantries have been dealt with how about we get back to what I came for? Just name your terms."

"Your head on a plate sounds like an appropriate trade!" Voldemort snarled before sending a powerful cutting curse towards Harrys throat.

Harry ducked the curse, Conjured a nondescript rock by a pillar and said. "Hmm that doesn't really sound fair to me. I could give you the lifeless body of a death eater, your choice which one."

"I would prefer the lifeless body of Albus Dumbledore." Voldemort remarked

"Sorry. While he might be a senile old fossil we might need him one day. How about a day at a health spa? After all with your face you could use it." Harry said before charming the rock as a portkey.

"I would prefer the corpses of your parents. After all I do like to keep... trophies."

"And you obviously get few enough of them. " Harry hissed "After all how many times did you fail to kill me? What about more land than you could possibly imagine?"

"Really?" Voldemort asked shocked.

"Of course." Harry said in a pleasant voice, banishing the portkey towards Voldemort. "After all there is plenty of room at the bottom of the sea."

Vaporising the portkey Voldemort said "That is not desirable real-estate I 'm afraid."

"It is for the fish." Harry pointed out cheekily

"You insolent little piec..." Voldemort managed to get out before flinging himself to the ground to dodge a trio of curses"

"Ah ah Tommy." Harry reprimanded. "There are children here remember?"

"You're hardly a child." Voldemort spat out while getting to his feet.

"I certainly was the first time I beat you." Harry pointed out. "Tell me Riddle how did it feel to get whooped by a baby who couldn't even walk at the time?"

"HOW DARE YOU!" Voldemort yelled "I am the lord Voldemort! Scourge of nations, destroyer of hero's..."

"And the only person who cannot use the phrase 'As easy as stealing candy from a baby'." Harry interrupted. "By the way did you know that your name actually means flee from death?"

"People fear to speak my name! How dare you make fun of it!" Voldemort bellowed before sending out a sickly green curse that Harry intercepted with a conjured rubber duck.

"Very easily I assure you. However at that point I wasn't making fun of it, I was simply stating an interesting fact about the French language." Harry stated. "Although I do see why you changed your name after all the dark lord tom doesn't have quite the same ring to it don't you think?"

"Enough of these games!" Voldemort shouted. "It is obvious that diplomacy is going to get us nowhere, so lets just finish this. If you can fight me without hiding behind somebody else like you normally do that is."

"That seems a little bit hypocritical coming from the person that had a hundred followers trying to keep me out. The operative words here are 'had' and 'trying' by the way." Harry said mockingly "But you're right we may as well get this over with."

The two circled each other for a few more minutes before lunging in the beginnings of the final battle.

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**Just something I had to write for an assessment that I decided to share with you. I probably won't write the battle after this but if someone wants to do it then I will be happy to link to it for you.**

**Hehe blocking a killing curse with a rubber duck...**


End file.
